


Leaving Early

by consultingbatch



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, M/M, POV Sherlock Holmes, Post-Episode: s03e02 The Sign of Three, Regret, Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:54:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consultingbatch/pseuds/consultingbatch
Summary: After John's wedding, Sherlock is haunted by memories and reconsiders everything.
Relationships: Mary Morstan/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 28
Kudos: 56





	Leaving Early

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you'll enjoy (if you get alive until the end) this little vent-story of mine.  
> It's a moment I wanted to explore so much, so here's a small attempt.  
> Apologies for any mistakes, as this is un-betad. 
> 
> Comments (even constructive criticism) and kudos are always appreciated. ♡

_ ‘I now pronounce you husband and wife’ _

I wake up, panting, sweating… again these words echoed in my mind and will keep doing it for some time. Perhaps my whole life, more likely until I get over this. 

But how?

How do I get over it? Regret, despair, loss. That’s all I feel. Living in a nightmare… or better, the tragic reality. 

I get up, picking my dressing gown in the dark of the room and move to the living room. The darkness is all I have, the only protection from the Sun that reminds me of you. My mind is too busy even to let me sleep. 

After sitting down in my armchair, I note it all feels different. I can’t hear your breath coming from upstairs, your things are no longer here. You walked away. 

I close my eyes and I can only see your happy face when you look at her. 

I remember the first time I saw her in the restaurant and your awkward proposal. You really wanted to go on. Move from the trauma and get that feeling of belonging and safety that I was unable to give you. 

It seems like she has mesmerised you, hasn’t she? What’s so special about her that I am unable to see?

It has taken you two years of my absence to completely substitute me with someone else. To find someone else to be at your side, now forever.

Where did it all go? Our adventures and cases, what portion of your mind do they fill up now? 

If once all of this was your whole world, what made you forget about it? What pushed you away from the kind of life you crave, the danger, the thrill? 

You are not the type to settle down, never have been. Yet, you chose her. You deliberately chose to settle and create something with a meaning. 

Not like the incomprehensible life we lived together. That need is all gone. Family is now your priority, isn’t it? You want to be the parent you didn’t have, and I admire your purity. Your willingness to always give the best of you all the time. So, fly high, John Watson, keep being that bright star shining on our paths. 

Somehow, I am glad you can’t read me. 

At least, I can always wear that comforting mask to hide the slowly crumbling of my inner self. Saving everyone from being additionally worried, you have certainly done it for too long. I am able to look after myself.

The thing that torments me the most is, how did she manage to take you away from me?

What magic trick she used on you? Or was it only that sentiment that I was never capable of showing?

It’s too late now.

Even now that I had the final proof, I am still tied to you. That invisible red thread that leads me to you cannot be broken. 

There is still some futile hope, something that makes me think I will get to you one day, that I will open up to you.

But it’s not today. Nor tomorrow. 

Do you know why I left early, John?

The reason is simple. Almost elementary.

I left because I was seeing you have your best life, the one you deserve, and I wasn’t part of it. 


End file.
